15 December 2018
Dear Friend, Relative, Acquaintance, or Reader-Unknown-But-Much-Appreciated,
It’s December once again, and I’m sure many of us are looking back at this year that’s almost coming to an end. This has been an especially unsettling year for my family. It’s been a year of changes and unknowns, of comings and goings, of humility and surrender.
Of College and Visa Applications: Things don’t come easy; things can go wrong
Earlier this year, my daughter applied for overseas college admission and for a Canadian study permit. What we naively thought would be fairly smooth processes turned out to be bumpy and stressful. My daughter almost missed the opportunity to send in her college application because, unbeknownst to us as we were preparing the requirements, the school had met their quota for international applicants and closed applications prematurely. Luckily, through the intervention of a kind business officer, the school’s admissions board agreed to allow my daughter to submit her application which was later on approved.
Her Canadian study permit application was, unfortunately, a much more agonizing process. The IRCC website gave us an estimated processing time of 10 weeks. What we thought would be a 2-3 month wait extended up to over four months, leaving us in limbo until barely two weeks before school were to start. Somehow, in the process of the online application, my daughter’s medical test results got lost (and were eventually, thankfully found somewhere in that mysterious digital space). Having only email as a way to follow up on things may have also added to the delay (for applications done online, all correspondence is also online; in hindsight, I’d recommend going through a visa processing office because you never know when you’d want human help). My daughter received approval for her study permit less than two weeks before the school’s new students orientation. In a flurry, we booked our tickets and packed our bags. Mere days after, she and I were flying across the world so she could finally embark on her college journey.
Of (Expat) Careers and Countries: No guarantees; no permanence
At the same time that we were anxious about my daughter’s future, my family’s situation took some unexpected turns. My husband’s company wasn’t doing too well, so he had decided to look for a new job. What he and I both thought would be a fairly easy job hunt for him turned out to be a slow and painful one. Suddenly, we found ourselves packing up our lives in Singapore and preparing to repatriate again to the Philippines. I focused on the checklists, the things-to-do and suppressed my sadness at the sudden and unplanned departure (until I found myself walking home alone after a farewell dinner with a dear friend and, much to my shame, my tears wouldn’t stop falling).
Less than two weeks before my family was booked to leave Singapore for good (again), my husband got the call. Was he keen on a job in Singapore? Was he available for interviews in the next few days? So while we continued to sort, to sell, and to pack, my husband went for interviews and found our way back to Singapore. By the time we flew to Manila, what was supposed to be a one-way trip to relocate became a two-way journey for an unplanned vacation with unintended consequences – boxes shipped prematurely, boxes and furniture stored at extra cost, rush sales at big losses, goodbyes became welcome back, welcome back became till we see you again.
The Roller Coaster Year
2018 has been a year of ups and downs. For many months, I was filled with fear and worry as I witnessed my illusions of control and confidence gradually splinter into thousands of moments of not knowing what’s next, not being able to plan forward, not seeing my prayers answered. And with every passing day, I felt myself being humbled, being reminded that I can’t always plan ahead and that I can’t always know the way. Gradually, I learned that I needed to surrender my worries and burdens, and to trust that while I do what I can and what I must, God is the one in control. He has a purpose for every pause and every run, every storm and every calm, every pain and every joy. In 2018, God has been teaching me to “…take courage; be stouthearted, wait for the Lord.” (Psalms 27:14)
2018 is my year of humble surrender, of answers coming in due season, and of a more stouthearted faith. I pray that I will end this year with more peace of mind and wisdom of heart.
And to you, dear reader, I send my wishes for a Merry Christmas and a holiday season filled with peace and love.