It was perhaps late in 2017, a little over a year after my family moved again from Manila to Singapore, when I noticed my almost-teenage son becoming more introverted. I thought that, by then, a year would have been enough time for him to adjust to his new life, to become more social and active. I thought that he would be hanging out more often with friends and would be back into basketball or football lessons. I thought that he would become more of what I thought was a typical teen — outgoing and “friends-centric.” Instead, he preferred to stay home for days and was content with his computer, video games, and books. He didn’t want to take part in any organized activities and did his homeschool work alone. On the few times that he did go out with friends, he’d come home afterwards mentally exhausted and say that he wanted to stay home for the next few days because, according to him, he needed to recharge his drained social battery (first time I heard of the term, which I read later on in Susan Cain’s book mentioned below). He didn’t want to try new things or see new places.
I thought I understood introversion well enough, being an introvert myself. But it seemed to me that my son was gravitating toward the extreme side of it, and I didn’t know if I should worry. So I looked for more information. Over the next year, I read every article on introversion that I stumbled upon. I watched Susan Cain’s very popular TED Talk, “The Power of Introverts.” Like millions of viewers, I was delighted, enlightened and empowered by her talk. A few months ago, I read her book “Quiet Power: The Secret Strengths of Introverts.” It’s based on her bestselling book “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking” but is tailored for kids and teens. This book has helped me immensely in not only understanding my son’s introverted behavior but also embracing it as part of his unique personality! I’ve learned to not worry, to step back and give him his sacred space. And from this distance, I’ve begun to recognize how he uses his quiet power and how he embraces the introverted aspects of his personality. And at his own pace and in his own way, he has been navigating the beginning of his teenage life. He has made some new friends that he keeps in touch with and goes out with every so often. Some months ago, he picked up his dad’s guitar, started teaching himself how to play and happily discovered a new hobby. Instead of going back to his old sports, he chose to join a new group so he can give a new sport — floorball — a try.
I’ve learned that my son is doing fine. And with loving support and understanding from family and friends, he will continue to be fine. His introverted ways are not something to fix. His ups and downs are part of any life, especially that of a young teenager, introverted or otherwise.
I recently learned of World Introvert Day – celebrated every January 2 since 2011. “It’s no coincidence that World Introvert Day falls immediately after New Year’s Day; the idea is that introverts take time to recharge after the chaos of the holiday season.” (from “12 Reasons to Celebrate Introverts on World Introvert Day” by Jenn Granneman, author of The Secret Lives of Introverts)
I wrote this poem for my son, and for all the introverts who are still finding their way and searching for their quiet place and power in a world that keeps pushing and screaming.
The Good Introvert
It’s good to be alone,
It’s about being comfortable with yourself and, at times, with your small circle of people,
Enjoying the company of your own thoughts and emotions,
Growing to know yourself more and more.
It’s good to be a homebody,
It’s about having a safe space to recharge and recalibrate,
Being away from the noise and the chaos, the posturing and the pressures,
Being content with where and who you are.
It’s good to be slow,
It’s about wanting to be deliberate and to be prepared,
Having time to warm up intellectually and emotionally,
Carefully choosing your words, your actions, your companions.
It’s good to be bored,
It’s about having freedom to choose your passions and preoccupations,
Letting your mind dream and your soul soar without judgment or inhibition,
Discovering your focus that can carry you far and forward.
It’s good to be quiet,
It’s about wanting to listen and to observe,
Gaining your knowledge, finding your truth, creating your vision,
Changing the world with your power from within.
Here’s to some peace and quiet after all that holiday cheer. Happy World Introvert Day!