It’s that time of year again for many families with older children: the end of summer break, the start of another school year, and the bittersweet college send-off. Around the time that my husband and I brought our daughter to the airport in August 2019 as she was getting ready to go back to college in Canada, I went through a strange, new mix of emotions, different than what I went through when I did the college drop-off the year before.
An Uncomfortable Envy of Other Parents Doing the College Drop-off
In the weeks prior, I had been coming across many articles about how parents are handling the college send-off or drop-off: lists of what to pack (and not to pack) for the dorm, tips on what to say (and not to say) as you wave goodbye to your college-bound child, etc. I was seeing posts of bouncy castles and party games, music making and info gathering during college orientation (which was typical in the pre-COVID era when these teens and young adults could safely socialize and party in person). And when I saw video snippets of that year’s orientation for new students at my daughter’s college, I was struck with an uncomfortable sense of envy. I felt envious thinking of those parents who were with their kids while exploring new campuses and dorms, new supermarkets and cafes, new bus routes and destinations as they got glimpses of what will be parts of their children’s lives away from home. In 2018 when my daughter was about to start college, I was the mother doing the milestone drop-off, helping with the dorm move-in and supplies shopping; a year passed and I was the mom who did the send-off at the airport and then was getting glimpses of all the hustle and bustle of starting a new college year through photos, video calls and mostly chat messages.
A Familiar Nostalgia While Remembering Fun, Family Times
After my daughter left home, the friendlier, more familiar feeling of nostalgia kept coming back at least five times a day. I’d remember the time when my daughter and I went to Toronto, Canada together for the first time. The trip was a college drop-off for me, but at the same time, it was so much fun to be a tourist with my daughter in a new city for a few weeks. We walked along a beach by Lake Ontario; we shopped in Eaton Centre and ate in St. Lawrence Market; we saw the famous Nathan Phillips Square, discovered the beautiful Gooderham Building (now one of my favorite buildings) and were surprised to come across Kim’s Convenience (the real store!).
The memories of a whirlwind summer just gone by also made me sentimental. I’d browse through photos of our recent island holiday and remember how our family had a blast while eating delicious food, exploring temples and waterfalls and enjoying the locals’ hospitality. I’d be in the middle of chores — cooking dinner or buying groceries — then I would suddenly be reminded of how my daughter loved to eat some of her favorite simple home-cooked meals like roti prata with egg or chicken fried rice. I’d walk by Ben & Jerry’s Scoop Shop while on my way to meet a friend and I’d remember how we had to eat there more than once the past summer so my daughter could have her scoop of Salted Caramel Blondie more than once.
A Sense of Peace from Seeing My College-going Child Spread Her Wings
Thankfully, amidst the sadness of missing my daughter and the worry about the what-ifs while she’s so far away and on her own, I’m always able to come back to my gratitude for this journey. It had been a great blessing to be a college parent: to witness how this beautiful, strong and capable child is growing into her own young adult self, to have the means to give her this opportunity to study and live abroad and to broaden her horizon as well as my own, to entrust this messy and exciting part of our lives to God. I know that with my feelings of envy, sadness, loss, and fear, there are also feelings of gratefulness, happiness, hopefulness and peace.
My daughter left behind an old, broken pair of slip-on sneakers. The soles were already badly cracked, so she didn’t bother bringing them back with her. She left them near the front door, and for some time, I just left them there. I would see the shoes and a part of me liked to imagine that my daughter was just out with her friends, wearing a different pair of shoes, and would soon be coming in through our front door. After a few weeks, this momma did come to terms with reality and put away what was left behind.
P.S. If you just did the college send-off for your child, hugs to you. It’s not easy. Cry if you need to. Write stuff down. Have some delicious tea and cookies. Take a nice walk. Then send your child a message or even just a smile emoji. And don’t worry if they don’t reply today. They eventually do.
Last Updated on August 30, 2021 by lea