Have you heard people say that mothers aren’t allowed to get sick? Because if they did, the house, home and family would fall apart? I’ve heard this “saying” often. And up until recently, I prided myself on rarely getting sick.
A few weeks ago, my son had a nasty cold. A few days after he got well, my daughter developed a bad cold with intermittent fever. Two days after, I fell sick too. At first, I thought I just had a mild cold that I could go along with while nursing my daughter back to health and running the household as usual. But on my third day of illness, I found myself going with my daughter to the doctor to also have myself checked. And that set alarm bells ringing in my husband’s mind because for me to admit that I felt bad and needed help meant I must have been feeling so badly. The doctor confirmed that my daughter and I had a viral infection and we were given some medicines and told to get plenty of rest.
I WAS A MOTHER DOWN, AND I WAS MISERABLE
A horrible week followed where my daughter and I slept through most of the days. Thankfully, my daughter was on summer break from college, so she wasn’t missing any classes or activities. But I was missing the cooking, the grocery shopping, the cleaning, the laundry, the homeschooling. I felt bad that my husband ended up ordering in most meals for himself and the kids. I could hardly eat anything because all food and drink tasted bad; I suspected that something in my medicine regimen was screwing up my taste buds.
After about a week, my daughter was finally well, and a few days later, so was I. No more colds or fever. My daughter was up and about again, watching Netflix and going out with her friends. I thought I’d be up and about too, snapping back into my usual routines. But something still felt wrong. In the week after I was sick, I had no more cold, no more fever, no more headache or body ache, just a slight lingering cough — nothing debilitating and certainly nothing that should keep me from functioning normally. But strangely, I couldn’t. And that puzzled and scared me.
I SHOULD BE FINE, BUT I WASN’T
During that week, I saw myself behaving differently. I slept longer than I normally did. I took midday couch naps. I postponed doing laundry. I let the floors get dusty. I bought food instead of cooking on some weekdays. I didn’t think about homeschooling, about budgeting, about work and writing, about summer plans while our college daughter was home.
For perhaps the first time in my life, I felt like I wasn’t myself, that I was feeling empty and aimless. There shouldn’t have been anything wrong with me anymore, no more symptoms, no more virus. But I still lacked energy and focus to function. I was asking myself, in between slow-moving chores and short afternoon naps, what was I supposed to do, where was I supposed to be, and what was I supposed to be thinking anyway. I continued to stay away from the outside world — no messaging with friends, no posting on social media, and certainly no meeting up with anyone. I stayed withdrawn while I quietly stared at this stranger in the mirror.
I’M ME AGAIN, WITH A NEWFOUND KNOWLEDGE
Eventually, I started to think more clearly and feel more positively. I felt more like myself again. I was happy to finally get back on my yoga mat. I enjoyed eating again. I got back in touch with a few friends. I picked up a book from the library and have been captivated by it since (I’m now at the second book of the series!). I finally went on a date night again with my husband. And I’m making plans again to see people.
I decided to get back to my blog (yay, me!), and to write about this strange experience. In my online research to find the right words and a better understanding, I discovered the term post-viral fatigue. Healthline.com says: “Fatigue is an overall feeling of tiredness or exhaustion. It’s completely normal to experience it from time to time. But sometimes it can linger for weeks or months after you’ve been sick with a viral infection, such as the flu. This is known as post-viral fatigue.”
I found a 2018 article by Stacey Colino in U.S News that gives an enlightening (and comforting) possible explanation for what I experienced:
Thankfully, I’m back to my normal self. I’m grateful, positive, eager to enjoy the rest of the summer, and now armed with an added knowledge and heightened sense of how the mind and body are so deeply connected and how powerful the mind can be. I’m once again reminded of the importance of total self care and of the need to be humble enough to seek and accept support when you’re down.
After all, even though we mothers think we can’t and shouldn’t get sick, we actually do sometimes and that’s normal too.